Things I Don’t Like About Barcelona

It is abundantly clear that Barcelona is far superior than America at certain things.  Among those are number of incredible clubs, choice of legal drinking age, amount of nudey chicks sunbathing, Lionel Messi, and proximity to France. But nobody’s perfect.  Even Scarlett Johanson could have better posture, nicer eyebrows, and be waiting for me in my apartment right now.  But none of those are the case.

So what does Barcelona need to work on?

Who better to answer that question than someone who has been in Barcelona for OVER 29 days? Having spent 30 days in Barcelona I have the greatness of America fresh in my mind, and a keen eye for things that just don’t measure up.

1. No Dryers- every apartment comes with a washing machine, but none have dryers.  Instead, you must hang your clothes outside your window on a line.

Wifi, digital television, moon landing, no dryers.

There aren’t even laundromats to dry clothes at.  Just lines.  I’m just glad I invested in all that clothing line stock at the ground floor.

2. Girls Wear Air Force Ones- Yeah, the basketball shoes.  They wear them with the rest of the outfit being totally normal. I’m not one for style but that throws me off big time. Real big. Like 14 inches.

3. Everyone Speaks Spanish– so ethnocentric of them. Don’t they know they have guests?

4.  They Make Scarves Look Really Cool– someone needs to relay the message to these Spanish dudes that scarves are supposed to make you look, at very best, bi-curious.  At worst a dude wearing a scarf should be on par fruitiness wise with a child genetically engineered using a mixture of Elton John and Mr. Slaves’ seed, pina colada mix, and a bushel of persimmons.  The strange thing is these bros look rad as fuck.  This is new, different, and it troubles me. I will stick to my heterosexual guns and NOT wear one.

(17 hours later)

This is all I have for now.  But like fine wine, my ability to find cultural differences that bother me gets better with time.

Keep sitting down. Just not when you pee.

And if you think it’s just way more comfortable than standing and it’s not even that girly of a thing to do, make sure to lock the bathroom door when your roommates are home.

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