Sorry to all 7 of my readers for not posting in a while. I’ve been doing a lot of sitting on foreign soil, and soiling myself in foreign hostels, but not a lot of writing. I’ve got nothing to write about today but here’s an advertisement from my favorite American pizzeria in Barcelona.
Paul Revere’s Pizzeria has been locally owned and operated in Barcelona since 1993. We’re proud to only be 39 years away from our 68 year anniversary, and in 2093 we’ll be celebrating our eagerly awaited centennial with half off ALL medium one topping pizzas from 3-6pm!
So what’s the difference between Revere’s and traditional Spanish pizza?
First of all the term Spanish Pizza is an oxymoron. These people know pizza like homeless people know having souls, or a hipsters know having a conversation without constantly one-upping each other.
Unlike the bland and unsatisfying Spanish pizza, each of our pizza’s comes with locally pasteurized mozzarella cheese, rich tomato sauce, and a symphony of spices that will tickle the proverbial tip of your taste buds.
But we don’t settle JUST for superior taste, here at Revere’s we think presentation is just as vital. We know better than anyone that a great rack is pointless if she’s wearing a sweatshirt, so we do delivery a littttle different than your average pizzeria.
At Revere’s we deliver your pizza in a traditional 17th century plywood box nailed shut to ensure it stays OVEN HOT! Upon arrival we power-saw off one side of the box sending sawdust (or fireworks of flavor, as we call them) sky high!
But our authentic boxes are just the beginning.
For purchases of two pizzas or more one of our classically trained riders will personally deliver your pizza by horseback in full colonial attire! Order three or more pizzas and they’ll be delivered in a horse-drawn carriage similar to one driven to the market by colonial aristocrats to buy black people!
If the horseback or carriage deliveryman takes more than two and a half hours to get across the city and to your door, you get 15% off your entire purchase! It’s all part of the Paul Revere Freshness Guarantee.
(Carriage and horseback deliveries are subject to 65% delivery fee plus $14 saddling charge and $3 stable upkeep surcharge. Additional clean-up fee’s may apply if horse(s) stop to defecate. If defecation resembles emptying a full sack of stinky potatoes onto the ground, fee is doubled).
Many of our Spanish competitors would like to claim that their pizza is authentic 17th century colonial too, but don’t be fooled. It’s only authentic if fixed on traditional fermenting wooden slab, baked over a fire fueled by antelope fat, and delivered in a plywood box via two hour carriage ride behind two diarrhea prone stallions.
Also don’t miss out on our special limited time Paul Revere “The British are Cumming” pizza seen below.
So make it a Paul Revere Pizza night, and remember: You’ll Revere our Pizza, or we’ll Paul your Money Back!
(money back will come in form of promise to do better next times’)