Response from “Sex Offenders Nonymous” Group on New Facebook Privacy Policy

Just came across this letter. Kind of alarming. Hope it’s a joke.

Dear General Public,

We, Sex Offenders Nonymous, are a tight knit group of convicted sexual deviants that have been readmitted into society in accordance with the federal judicial system.  What sets our particular group apart is our openness about our troubled and, frankly, disturbing pasts.

We strive to abolish the stigma that we are “creeps,” or unfit for society.  If only more underage girls gave us a chance and saw we are super willing to take it slow if they want to do some light petting before forced intercourse (as long as said petting doesn’t totally drag on), maybe the bigotry towards us marginalized sex offenders would cease to exist.

We know we have wronged, but all we want is equality for our brothers once they are rehabilitated.   To steal the words from Dr. Martin Luther King, who also fought for equality, our dream is to “one day, see little naked black children, and little naked white children holding hands and singing songs in HD quality video online for free.”

There are some places, though, that we know we as a community don’t belong, and that is on young boys’ and girls’ Facebook pages.  As many know, now that Facebook is a publicly traded company the privacy settings are more lax.  To combat this many have posted a disclaimer on their wall touting their particular profiles’ privacy and warning others to stay away.

PRIVACY NOTICE: Warning – any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to my photos, and/or the comments made about my photos or any other “picture” art posted on my profile.


I say now, we, Sex Offenders Nonymous, WILL respect their right to privacy.

Facebook does NOT need to do anything to actually keep these young childrens’ accounts private, we totally won’t look at them if they have the page of babble posted.  Even if said page is out of view only hours after the user meaninglessly posts it, we won’t go through pics like those from Katie P.’s 14th birthday swim party if  the memo saying whatever the fuck it says is posted on her profile.  Any attempts by Facebook to actually keep people’s personal information private would be total overkill and seriously lame.


Girth Phillips  ; )

President, Sex Offenders Nonymous


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