What Company’s Real Slogans Should Be

Budweiser

“America’s Beer”**

**Owned by the Belgian

Home Depot

“It’s somewhere over there”

Microsoft 

“Try Bing! Seriously….we’ll swallow all these pills if you don’t”

Subway 

“To lose weight fast, eat a 6” and then don’t eat!”

L’oreal Paris 

“Don’t be you.”

State Farm

“Like a good neighbor, we’ll invite you to our party if it keeps you from calling the cops.”

Sprint 

“Even we don’t have Sprint”

Apple 

“Now just a mediocre boyfriend: Cook, but no Jobs”

Honda 

“Like you poor people have a choice.”

T-Mobile

“We shook Verizon’s hand once!”

Ford 

“Can we borrow like five bucks? Actually ten if you have it on you”

Geico

“15 minutes COULD save you 15%. You COULD poop out a jolly elf named Polo.”

McDonalds 

“Now you can substitute insulin for fries! I’m shooting it!”

Chevrolet 

“Massive trucks…in case you’ve got hella groceries at some point or something”

Verizon

“Can you hear me now? No? Okay, I’ll hold the phone 6 inches closer to the orbiting satellite.

AT&T

“I hear Verizon still showers with their dad.”

Chuck-E-Cheese

“Pedophile Free Since 2013”

Best Buy

“You Have No Choice Anymore”

Wal-Mart

“We Destroyed Communities Before Hurricane Katrina Made it All Popular”

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